Replying to LO24710 --
Dear friends and co-learners,
I had written a meandering 7-page (egads!) response to the various posts
along this thread. But after reading 'NOTHING LO24719' by At, I feel I
have much less to say. Ahh, so maybe just 3-4 pages now!
Thank you dear At for sharing the story about your father the diamond
cutter. I sense such great courage from both Sajeela and yourself in
contributing to this listserv. Thank you to both of you for putting your
true selves into the circle, time and again.
At, if I may humbly say so, without sounding patronizing or trite, I can
now appreciate how much you may be like your father -- so gifted, so
aware. You may even be like him in being afraid of making a mistake, or
letting guards down, or allowing your emotional self to come through?
Although I cannot know, I wonder if perhaps your father cried not simply
because of the stress and the nervous breakdown, but because of all the
pent up unexpressed emotions that finally needed to come forth like a
burst dam.
I apologize. I have no right whatsoever to speak about something which is
obviously quite personal to you. I can only draw it back to my life and my
own father. He is very much like what I've been describing above. So I
suddenly feel this compassion swelling in me for all those that may also
have a strong tendency towards silent suffering, self-imposed control, and
high expectation. This is part of the deep social conditioning and
genderized roles that I (and I think others) keep referring to. Whether or
not the male gender is generally or biologically more emotionally
reticent, many societies and cultures around the world have HIGH
expectations and judgements against boys/men expressing their emotions or
appearing 'weak' in any way. This definitely takes its toll on
individuals, families, and society as a whole. I won't go into huge
explanations of how or why of if this so. I trust that what I am saying
comes from that simple place of intuitive knowing.
Up till now, I admit I have often found your incredible mental,
intellectual intensity overwhelming and, at times, indirectly controlling.
(By the way, it may be a language thing, however, you describe your father
as going 'mental' in visualizing the diamonds. It seems to me much more.
It's like he was turning all his senses on. Perhaps you meant that.
However, I am clarifying because it is exactly this overreliance on our
mental faculties that is what I react to here on LO and also in my own
program. There is a book called Reconnecting with Nature by Michael Cohen,
and he suggests that there are over 50 senses.) Anyway, strong
intellectualism sometimes makes it unappetizing for me to digest most of
your emails, and indeed, many of them I cannot because they are 'way over
my head' and highly abstract (esp. the equations ones). Nothing wrong
with that. There are many others who can appreciate it more fully. But I
think the mere fact that you can run circles around anything I write, or
offer an incredible plethora of information and vast knowledge is very
daunting to say the least. Then sometimes, your creativity will be sparked
by someone else's post, and it is another chance to explore and explain. I
sense this is all like one easy game for you. Very fun, but maybe too
little challenge. Your powers and intellectual abilities are immense as
you swoop in to play with the various bits of information. I think I'm
safe in saying that few of us can keep up with you.
So then, perhaps the challenge lies in rediscovering other parts and sides
of self. Despite my aversion to abstractions, I do continue to learn
things from your posts, and I thank you. I cut and paste out things, like
the etymology of words and other things, into my files. Clearly, you are
much like your father, At -- a truly exceptional being. Hopefully, in the
sometimes uncertain light of learning-org, we may all learn and grow in
holistic and multifaceted ways. I recall what a spiritual facilitator once
said in a class I was in, 'Learn to be extraordinary by being ordinary.'
Sometimes, it's about coming back to the centre and learning new and
different ways of being. Thank you for being you, At. Be good to yourself
and hope all goes well with you on your journey.
Warmest wishes
Lana
Lana Choi
--Lana Choi <ecospirit@mail.com>
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