In LO18587, Rol wrote a very honest and inviting posting...
>I have been meaning to query the list why no one has responded to this
>statement, but then Don responded, and I feel better.
>
>I would love to hear from other managers how they feel and how they work
>with people they do not care for. We all have people we get along with
>extremely well, and others that we do not at all enjoy being around. The
>latter, in my experience, are very difficult to mentor. I find it hard to
>work up the energy, but in addition, we have so many differences in values
>and ways of approaching life, that I simply find it difficult to relate to
>them.
I don't currently manage anyone, although I have in the past. I currently
do organizational consulting with clients and some of them are a real
challenge. Here are some things I have done to help myself along with
clients and employees (and managers of mine, too, for that matter).
- I try to reflect on the positive attributes of people instead of
reflecting on our differences, or the things they do about which I choose
to be upset.
- I sometimes find ways to give them gifts...taking them to lunch, giving
them an article I found, intentionally offering them feedback when they do
something I like.
- I reflect on just how much of the challenge I have in working with them
is based on my attachment to my own expectations instead of the way they
handle themselves.
- I remember that our work cultures often teach people to behave in
certain ways. I also remember that people have lives outside work that
have tremendous affect on how they behave in the work place.
- I remember that when we think that someone is bad or tell them enough
that they are bad, then bad is what they become. Our language, verbal and
mental, definately programs our future.
- When I offer correcting feedback, I don't discuss personality. I mostly
talk about how patterns of behaviour affect certain variables in a work
system, and let people see for themselves that what they do affects the
system of which they are part. I often try to extend my feedback to talk
to them about how what they do will negatively affect them in the future.
- I hold to the belief that people do the best they can given the places
from which they came.
I have to say that I need a lot of work on working with challenging
people. However, I am proud of my progress over the years. I hope these
ideas will help others as much as they help me.
--"Jason Smith" <pax@interlog.com>
Learning-org -- Hosted by Rick Karash <rkarash@karash.com> Public Dialog on Learning Organizations -- <http://www.learning-org.com>