Dear Leo,
> I did this because I hope to receive some comments to help me with
> understanding the behaviour, (seemingly) paradox of asking for punishment
> and willness to learn.
I also did some teaching on a secondary school and at first it was a
disaster. Later, when graduating, i was told it was a great loss that i
didn't continue my teaching career. I then thought i didn't, but look at
me now. Perhaps this will help:
1. Do not try to solve the paradox. Learning itself is paradoxically,
because learning in order to control behaviour inhibts learning. But in
your case, you're not out to control their behaviour: they want to learn,
so they'll have to behave.
2. At first i also hesitated to be rude. But if that is the only language
they understand: use it. When in Rome ... .I once observed a Physics
teacher who ruled a class very very strictly, you don't want to know. His
word was The Law. In another class he was completely different. So
structuring is relative to context and has nothing to do with yourself.
3. Reactions of others - including this one - do not tell anything about
you. They only say something about the other. People only can say things
about them selves and young adults are very explicite. You probably know
this, and do not want to be rude yourself. You're not, when you know
you're not rude and choose to act rude. The problem is that children,
pupils will know when you fake. So you'll have to accept that you may be,
that you can be rude also. Everybody is sometimes, when provoked. Allow
yourself to impose your rules.
4. The first level of learning is action-reaction, getting short term
results. The difficult part is postponing short term results, getting to
higher grounds. Most people stick to the first level, perhaps because, i
suppose, they do not trust themselves. Basically i think that young adults
not even trust their own body (it is developing new features), so
naturally, they only trust results they can experience right away. So stay
with short term results: order and structure. That is how i frame the
reactions, the mixed messages you told about.
Hope it gives some support,
With kind regards - met vriendelijke groeten,
Jan Lelie
--Drs J.C. Lelie CPIM (Jan) LOGISENS - Sparring Partner in Logistical Development Mind@Work est. 1998 - Group Resolution Process Support Tel.: (+ 31) (0)70 3243475 or car: (+ 31)(0)65 4685114 http://www.mindatwork.nl and/or taoSystems: + 31 (0)30 6377973 - Mindatwork@taoNet.nl
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