I've found that, on certain threads, I've experienced a public
conversation (dialog) through the list-serve with one or more other
contributors. Meanwhile, another group (perhaps including some of the
people with whom I'm communicating) are having another conversation on the
same thread (I see a single thread as having several dimensions...or
lives...in which different people are participating). Simultaneously, I'm
having an off-line conversation (or discussion or disagreement) with one
or more list participants in a non-public conversation on the same topic.
There are also times when I'm talking and no one is listening (or so I
think until I get a few e-mails from people who don't participate in the
public discourse). There are also times when others are "talking" and I'm
not listening. Of all things, this list-serve reminds me most of how the
U.S. Senate communicates among its' members.
Some of my most meaningful conversations have happened off-line (some of
them by phone...others over a drink or meal). Once in awhile, though,
I've tapped into an ongoing thread where dialog seems to be the primary
form of discourse...and where I seem to experience that "shared" space.
The most difficult aspect of dialog seems to be the ability to suspend
one's internal discourse in order to listen effectively to another. I
didn't learn how to do this via the internet...this is something I
struggled with in a variety of settings (and still do so today). I
consider this skill (effective listening) to be one of the most critical
ones that I practice. This past week, after completing 3 workshops, the
participants in each one gave me feedback that it was my ability to listen
to them that was most critical to their perception of the workshops'
success.
Listening is especially difficult where we're missing the
"bandwidth"...the richness of the non-verbal communication. Finally,
there are times in the "meeting hall" or the "council meeting" when some
of us will fall asleep or walk away during a particular thread of
conversation. I use this "law of two feet" in all my meetings and
workshops nowawadays. This law doesn't diminish the importance of other
people's conversations...it simply indicates how important it is to me
compared to the other things I might be doing. This law allows me to
quickly and painlessly delete any listings that I'm not interested in or
prepared to respond to. Unfortunately, neither you or I can see who has
left the room...or, who is left in the room...so we may continue speaking,
erroneously thinking we're engaged in a conversation. This could bother
me, if I was speaking so that others can hear me. To be honest with
myself, though, I'm speaking mostly so that I can hear me...because I'm
somewhat of an extrovert...and thinking out loud lets me process my
thoughts and better integrate those thoughts into my ideas and beliefs.
If I'm fortunate, someone will share their thoughts with me on the same
thread...and we will listen to one another...and speak to one
another...and that's when I feel engaged in a dialog.
regards,
Doc
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"The salvation of the world lies in the human heart." -Vaclav Havel
Richard Charles Holloway -
P.O. Box 2361, Olympia, WA 98507 USA Telephone 253.539.4014 or 206.568.7730
Thresholds <http://www.thresholds.com>
Meeting Masters <http://www.thresholds.com/meeting.html>
--"Richard Charles Holloway" <learnshops@thresholds.com>
Learning-org -- Hosted by Rick Karash <rkarash@karash.com> Public Dialog on Learning Organizations -- <http://www.learning-org.com>