Replying to LO18358 --
thanks, Dennis--I found a lot of insight in your posting as well. I'm
glad to have shared with you in this dialog. Your use of the word
"appropriate" is interesting--I think Dale Emery mentioned this word in
another posting and suggested that Follett's "law of the situation"
governed the meaning of appropriateness. I agree (it's a helluva a law--I
just didn't know that it had a name until I read about it in her
writings).
I will confess to having had a number of "fatherly" relationships with
people over whom I exercised role authority and organizational
responsibility. Having raised two children to adulthood, and having to
decrease the amount of "fathering" that they are willing to accept, I
often wonder about why I behave this way. The fact is that I enjoy being
a father. In the military environment (specifically as a drill and
platform instructor in the initial training phase with recruits), I was
old enough to think of most of the men and women I trained as youths.
This is a very bad relationship to foster in the military, for several
reasons. While it may bond the leader to the individual initially, as the
recruit matures (in skills and experience), their desire for parenting
dissipates. Parent-children relationships are unprofessional--and I'm
increasingly aware of the need for professional ethics, principles and
behavior in the workplace. This lack of professionalism contributes to
poor or haphazard discipline--and debilitates the organization's ability
to act.
Acting, in the military, means preparing for dangerous situations. It's
very difficult to send your child in harm's way. The professional
relationship doesn't make it necessarily easier--but it does remove the
emotional context to one removed from the family one. Acting, in many
organizations, includes laying off people; denying promotions to
promotable people; leaving people behind when you move to another place or
organization, and so forth.
I think that you are right to bring in the word "appropriate." It is
necessary to consider the law of the situation--and there will be times
where we must, judiciously and carefully, accept some degree of dependency
in our relationships. And, all the time, there is the need to ensure our
relationships are appropriate.
best regards,
Doc
-- "The most invisible creators I know of are those artists whose medium is life itself. The ones who express the inexpressible - without brush, hammer, clay or guitar. They neither paint nor sculpt - their medium is being. Whatever their presence touches has increased life. They see and don't have to draw. They are the artists of being alive." - J. StoneThresholds--developing critical skills for living organizations Richard C. "Doc" Holloway Olympia, WA ICQ# 10849650 Please visit our new website, still at <http://www.thresholds.com/> <mailto:learnshops@thresholds.com>
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