Dear Roxanne,
On Wed, 15 Jul 1998, Roxanne Abbas wrote:
> I find myself wanting to build and maintain communication with others at
> deeper levels and want to learn more about how to make this a regular part
> of my daily inter-actions. I'm interesting in your thoughts, ideas, other
> communication models that explain levels of depth or intimacy and any
> suggested references. Thanks for helping me find my way along this new
> leg of my journey.
You sketched an interesting scaling of communication levels. I don't know
if you hope to get answers on a 'scientific level' or anwers with intimacy
and depth. I will try to do both.
I just read that in The Netherlands that psychiatrists have very good
experiences with communicating with their client via Internet/e-mail. The
patients are much more 'open' and tend to give much more insight in their
deeper feelings, than if in visual and personal contact.
My personal ideas are that the willing to share intimacies is better when
there is
a. no hiearchical relationship
b. if the time of 'contact' is more than 1 or 2 hours and time plays a
minor role
c. under the influence of alcohol
d. problems seem to score better than the sentiments of joy
e. under remote contact and distant communication (which might explain
e-mail, intranets, and - ofcourse - the telephone)
And now some personal sharing of intimacy:
When seeing your name, Roxanne, I immediately thought of the Roxanne of
Cyrano de Bergerac. I hope you know this fantastic peace of French
literature: a play written in 1897 by E. Rostand. Several films have been
made, of which the one with Gerard Depardieu as Cyrano is really
wonderful. The tears will run over my face when thniking of this film
again.
But the film is also instructive in relation with the subject. Cyrano was
a famous soldier living in the time of Louis XIII. He compensated his ugly
face (a enormous nose) by outstanding bravery as a soldier. The play deals
however with the communication between him and the beautiful Roxanne. He
was in deep love with her, but because of his nose he was afraid that his
love was not welcome. Therefore he signed his very romantic and poetic
letters to her with the name of a handsome friend of him. Roxanne became
in love with the friend, who is somewhat embarressed and Cyrano is
suffering deeply. The friend dies on the battle field, and finally it
became clear to Roxanne, that Cyrano was the author of all the letters she
received. Both are old at that time, and Cyrano died in her arms.
This story is somewhat simmilar to the experience of the Dutch
psychiatrists. Communicating in anonymicy (by e-mail, or by letters signed
under another name) seems a way to open your heart and feelings will be
shared more easily.
dr. Leo D. Minnigh
minnigh@library.tudelft.nl
Library Technical University Delft
PO BOX 98, 2600 MG Delft, The Netherlands
Tel.: 31 15 2782226
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Let your thoughts meander towards a sea of ideas.
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--Leo Minnigh <L.D.Minnigh@library.tudelft.nl>
Learning-org -- Hosted by Rick Karash <rkarash@karash.com> Public Dialog on Learning Organizations -- <http://www.learning-org.com>