Murdering the Innocents, (Hard Times, Charles Dickens)
'Bitzer,' said Thomas Gradgrind. 'Your definition of a horse.' 'Quadruped.
Graminivorous. Forty teeth, namely twenty-four grinders, four eye-teeth,
and twelve incisive. Sheds coat in the spring; in marshy countries, sheds
hoofs, too. Hoofs hard, but requiring to be shod with iron. Age known by
marks in mouth.' Thus (and much more) Bitzer.
'Now girl number twenty,' said Mr Gradgrind. 'You know ,what a horse is.'
She curtseyed again, and would have blushed deeper, if she could have
blushed deeper than she had blushed all this time. Bitzer, after rapidly
blinking at Thomas Gradgrind with both eyes at once, and so catching the
light upon his quivering ends of lashes that they looked like the antennae
of busy insects, put his knuckles to his freckled forehead, and sat down
again. The third gentleman now stepped forth. A mighty man at cutting and
drying, he was; a government officer; in his way (and in most other
peoples too), a professed pugilist; always in training, always with a
system to force down the general throat like a bolus, always to be heard
of at the bar of his little Public office, ready to fight all England. To
continue in fistic phraseology, he had a genius for coming up to the
scratch, wherever and whatever it was, and proving himself an ugly
customer. He would go in and damage any subject whatever with his right,
follow up with his left, stop, exchange, counter, bore his opponent (he
always fought All England) to the ropes, and fall upon him neatly. He was
certain to knock the wind out of cornmon-sense, and render that unlucky
adversary deaf to the call of time. And he had it in charge from high
authority to bring about the great public-office Millennium, when
Commissioners should reign upon earth.
SNIP
Philosophical, (Hard Times, Charles Dickens)
Louisa and Sissy withdrew into an adjoining room; Mr Sleary, stirring and
drinking his brandy and water as he stood, went on:
'Thquire, you don't need to be told that dogth ith wonderful animalth.'
'their instinct,' said Mr Gradgrind, 'is surprising.' 'Whatever you call it -
and I'm bletht if I know what to call it' - said Sleary, 'it ith
athtonithing. The way in with a dog'll find you - the dithtanthe he'll come '
'His scent,' said Mr Gradgrind, 'being so fine.' 'I'm bletht if I know what
to call it,' repeated Sleary, shaking his head, 'but I have had dogth find
me, Thquire, in a way that made me think whether that dog hadn't gone to
another dog, and thed, " You don't happen to know a perthon of the name of
Thleary, do you? Perthon of the name of Thleary, in the Horthe Riding way,
thtout man - game eye?" And whether that dog mightn't have thed, "Well, I
can't thay I know him mythelf, but I know a dog that I think would be likely
to be acquainted with him" And whether that dog mightn't have thought it
over, and thed, Thleary, 'Thleary O yeth, to be thure. A friend of mine
menthioned him to me at one time. I can get you hith addreth directly." In
conthequenth of my being afore the public, and going about tho muth, you
thee, there mutht be a number of dogth acquainted with me, Thquire, that I
don't know. '
Mr Gradgrind seemed to be quite confounded by this speculation. 'Any
way,' said Sleary, after putting his lips to his brandy and water, 'ith
fourteen month ago, Thquire, thinthe we wath at Chethter. We wath getting
up our Children in the Wood one morning, when there corneth into our Ring,
by the thtage door, a dog. He had travelled a long way, he wath in very
bad condithon, he wath lame, and pretty well blind. He went round to our
children, one after another, as if he wath a theeking for a child he
know'd; and then he come to me, and throwd hithelf up behind, and thtood
on hith two fore-legth, weak ath he wath, and then he wagged hith tail and
died. Thquire, that dog wath Merrylegth.'
'Sissy's father's dog I' "Methilia'th fatherth old dog. Now, Thquire, I
can take my oath, from my knowledge of that dog, that that man wath dead
and buried - afore that dog come back to me. Joth'phine and Childerth and
me talked it over a long time, whether I thould write or not. But we
agreed, "No. There'th nothing comfortable to tell; why unthettle her mind,
and make her unhappy?" no, whether her father bathely detherted her; or
whether he broke hith own heart alone, rather than pull her down along
with him; never will be known, now, Thquire, till - no, not till we know
how the dogth findth uth out.'
'She keeps the bottle that he sent her for, to this hour; and she will
believe in his affection to the last moment of her life,' said Mr
Gradgrind. 'It theemth to prethent two thingth to a perthon, don't it,
Thquire?' said Mr Sleary, musing as he looked down into the depths of his
brandy and water: 'one, that there ith a love in the world, not all
Tlelf-interetht after all, but thomething very differ- ent; t'other, that
it hath a way of ith own of calculating or not calculating, whith thomehow
or another ith at leatht ath hard to give a name to, ath the wayth of the
dogth ith !'
Mr Gradgrind looked out of window, and made no reply. Mr Steary emptied
his glass and recalled the ladies.
'Thethilia my dear, kith me and good-bye! Mith Thquire, to thee you
treating of her like a thithter, and a thithter that you trutht and honour
with all your heart and more, ith a very pretty thight to me. I hope your
brother may live to be better detherving of you, and a greater comfort to
you. Thquire, thake handth, firtht and lathtl Don't be croth with uth poor
vagabondth. People mutht be amuthed. They can't be alwayth a learning, nor
yet they can't be alwayth a working, they an't made for it. You Muth have
uth, Thquire. Do the withe thing and the kind thing too, and make the
betht of uth; not the wurtht .
'And I never thought before,' said Mr Sleary, putting his head in at the
door again to say it, "that I wath tho muth of a Cackler !'
"It is a dangerous thing to see anything in the sphere of a vain
blusterer, before the vain blusterer sees it himself."
Hard Times, Charles Dickens
Mmmm.
Andrew Campbell
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