This is an interesting conversation. But I think, Gene, that this is more
complex of an issue than it would be if just you and I were speaking about
it. I've always felt much the same as you said--make sure your appearance
doesn't detract from your message. I suspect that Roxanne would agree
too--but what I'm interested in bringing up for your consideration is the
significant difference that women face in determining the "packaging"
process from what you or I face, Gene.
Deborah Tannen (in "9 to 5") uses the term "marked" when she speaks about
the differences among men and women (including appearance). "Marked," as
Tannen uses it is a linguistic term that "refers to the way language
alters the base meaning of a word by adding something... The unmarked form
of a word carries the meaning that goes without saying..." She continues
to explain that, in English, unmarked words are usually in the present
tense--past tense are marked by adding "ed" (visit, visited) or future
tense, "will" (will visit).
She makes this distinction concerning how men and women dress for work.
Men generally wear business attire that's basically the same (closed,
laced shoes; slacks; shirt; tie; suit jacket), they don't usually wear
make-up and their hairstyles are relatively conservative. Their ties are
generally the "wildest" part of the attire, she says, and the colors in
their suits are of similar tones or shades. Men are "unmarked" in her
terminology--their attire is the business standard.
Women, on the other hand, are marked regardless of their clothing. If
they dress too much like a man, then they are marked as women who want to
be men. If they dress too suggestively, they invite sexual approaches.
(She has a great chapter "Marked" in the referenced book).
Now, when Roxanne is talking about appearances, I think that she is
talking about an experience that I don't have. I don't know Roxanne
personally, but the women in my life spend time doing things for their
appearance that I have never quite fathomed. Hair, makeup, nails, shoes,
dresses, slacks, skirts, suits, jewelry -- all must fit the occasion just
so. If they don't, someone notices and comments (frequently another
woman--perhaps a man).
It is much easier to know how to "package" myself, as a man, I think, that
it is for a woman to correctly "guess" what the correct package is for
herself. Men will judge the package differently from women, each looking
and judging against their own values and expectations.
regards,
Doc
-- "The time is always right to do what is right." -Martin Luther King, Jr.Thresholds <http://www.thresholds.com> Meeting Masters <http://www.thresholds.com/masters.html> Richard C. "Doc" Holloway Astoria, Or & Olympia, WA USA ICQ# 10849650 voice 360.786.0925
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