Don, I want to echo your wish:
>I think what we may need is a kind of "maturity model", a sequence of
>achievable steps, that lead incrementally away from the cycle of hurt
>toward a cycle of love. Possibly the first step is to be able to react to
>hurtful acts from an understanding of why the act happened, and what we
>want to happen, rather than feeling bound to "demand justice".
I might suggest that an alternate "first step" might be to try to prevent
hurt rather than to find a different way to react to it. What I'm
thinking is this: The context of hurt and response is too limiting. We
need to expand the way we think about this context and reform it into a
context of, perhaps, "mutually beneficial interaction."
If we look at the situation in which hurt can occur as being a situation
where, instead, mutual benefit can occur -- then we can begin formulating
a "sequence of achievable steps" that leads toward mutual benefit and,
even, love.
Sometimes the most important thing we can do to break out of hurtful
patterns is not to try to change our reactions directly but to
recontextualize the situation.
My favorite two examples:
1. Before -- "I am a sad person."
After -- "I am a person with feelings. Sometimes I feel sad."
2. A poem by, I think, e e cummings:
He drew a circle that kept me out,
heretic, rebel, a thing to flout,
but love and i had the wit to win --
we drew a circle that took him in
--"John Gunkler" <jgunkler@sprintmail.com>
Learning-org -- Hosted by Rick Karash <rkarash@karash.com> Public Dialog on Learning Organizations -- <http://www.learning-org.com>