From hurt to love LO20325

BirreD@mail01.dnr.state.wi.us
Thu, 7 Jan 1999 11:27:14 -0600

Replying to LO20300:

Don wrote in LO20290:

> >I think what we may need is a kind of "maturity model", a sequence of
> >achievable steps, that lead incrementally away from the cycle of hurt
> >toward a cycle of love. Possibly the first step is to be able to react
> to
> >hurtful acts from an understanding of why the act happened, and what we
> >want to happen, rather than feeling bound to "demand justice".

John Gunkler replied in LO20300:
>I might suggest that an alternate "first step" might be to try to prevent
>hurt rather than to find a different way to react to it. What I'm
>thinking is this: The context of hurt and response is too limiting. We
>need to expand the way we think about this context and reform it into a
>context of, perhaps, "mutually beneficial interaction" ... a situation
>where, instead, mutual benefit can occur -- then we can begin formulating
>a "sequence of achievable steps" that leads toward mutual benefit and,
>even, love.

Many spiritual traditions teach compassion. We should do whatever it
takes to hold ourselves or others in a non-judging frame of mind. Only
from this point can we move with sureness out of anger, hurt and fear.
One might say that it takes a posture of love to engage compassion, and
I'd agree. I'd also suggest that it's there in each person and only needs
awareness and perhaps some training to flower. Even Scrooge found it.

Scott Peck defines mental health (emotional maturity) in his book "The
Road Less Traveled." I recommend it to anyone interested in the
characteristics of a loving person. Jack Kornfield, a former Buddhist
monk, describes the process of becoming aware and compassionate in his
book "A Path With Heart." I can't recommend that book enough. Jon
Kabat-Zinn's book "Wherever You Go, There You Are" is a good manual for
the day-to-day practice of mindfulness, which enables us to be
compassionate.

There are lots of other sources. I'll close by recommending Marcus
Aurelius' "Meditations" and "A Grateful Heart" (ed., M.K. Ryan) for the
bedside of those serious about compassion, love and forgiveness.

May all beings be peaceful and at ease.

Dave
* David E. Birren
Organizational Consultant, Wisconsin DNR
(608) 267-2442

-- 


BirreD@mail01.dnr.state.wi.us


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