> ** Now, please reply to this message with any comments **
> ** on our dialogue, my assessments or my planned actions! **
>
> -=- Rick Karash, your host for learning-org
Hi Rick and fellow LO listees,
In my opinion you (Rick) did the right thing, how difficult it
perhaps was for you to take such an action without hurting
people's feelings.
How does one know that one is doing the right thing?
How to do the right thing without hurting someone's feelings?
Can it always be avoided?
Should it always be avoided?
Your message made me remember a situation when I 'worked' as a summercamp
leader in charge of eight 12/13 year old boys somewhere in the late
seventies. It was a learning experience that still benefits me today. In
its essence I had to deal with a managementproblem that I can recognize up
til today in many managementsituations my clients have to deal with. It
has to do with feelings of integrity and moral dillema's.
The final solution was that I expelled a boy from camp after already three
days of the whole forthnight the camp would last. The proces of making
that decision was painfull.
Imagine a camping place in the woods of Holland with 64 children
between 10 and 13 years old and 16 staffmembers. A kitchentent
and a large retired armytent in use as a staffmeeting tent. No
electricity, no radio's, no TV, etc.
It was a small self-supporting organisation. The camp formula, the
programm, the day rythm and such had been developed over more
then thirty years and had made the camp famous. Each year more
than 100 children had to be disappointed because there was no
place for them.
It was the fourth year I was involved in those camps, so I was
quite experienced. I always had the 'honour' to be in charge of
the eldest boys in camp. (You all probably know how it is like
when you put eight 13 year old boys together in one tent..... )
We had daily staff meetings from 11.00 until 12.00 pm in which we
discussed the past day and the upcoming events for the next days.
We discussed problems and worked with a kind of consensus
decision model based on inquiry and reflection.
It would be the first time in the camphistory that a boy was sent
home.
>From the first hour the boy arrived at camp it was clear that he
was special. Today he would be diagnosed as MBD (Minimal Brain
damaged). Although we had very advanced intake routines, this boy
had made it through the selections.
That particular bunch of boys turned out to be very difficult for
me to handle. Already the first evening I was exhausted.
Everywhere the boy appeared there were arguments and fights
within minutes. After day two the whole camp seemed to carry a
kind of negative tention. Whatever I tried to make a team of that
bunch of wildcards - it failed. There was not the usual joy. But
none of the staffmembers nor the children said anything about it.
Silently everyone knew what caused it, but it was, socialy
spoken, not done to speak up loud and point fingers. What made it
even worse, was that this boy himself had absolutely no idea what
he was causing, he was having a great time!
Intuitive I felt that if this was going to continue, this camp
would be disastrous for everyone. I *knew* that if he would stay
the whole camp, he would have a great time but none of the other
kids would. Was I going to sacrifice the fun off 79 people for
the joy of one child? I didn't dare to face the fact, and avoided
what I knew I had to do. Instead I started to blame myself for
being incompetent, being selfish, ignorant, etc.. In the
staffmeeting I didn't dare to say right out that this boy was
'killing' me, but I tried to shift the burden to the whole staff
which resulted in polarization and discussions. We all made up
excuses and tried to find arguments that made it acceptable for
us to let him stay. It only made things worse.
The turningpoint came when one of the staffmembers asked me:
"Winfried, what do you feel is your responsibillity at this
moment?"
"How do you think you can you service the camp without denying
and belying your own feelings of responsibillity?"
My answer was: "The welfare of seven other boys and the camp as a
whole plus that I have to admit that I am uncapable of handling
him" The last part was the worst part for me to speak out loud.
After having said that I knew exactly what I wanted to do.
The next morning I personally called his parents and spoke with
the boy. I told him in all honesty that I couldn't handle his
actions, that it was not his fault, but my incapabillity; there
were no dry eyes on both sides.
We explained all the children what had happened and why the boy
was sent home. There were only winners, all the children accepted
it.
The whole atmosphere of the camp changed and it became one of the
best camps I ever was part of.
A month later I received a letter from the boy asking me to visit
him. I did. We became friends and six months later he (and his
parents) asked me to be his godfather. I accepted wholehearted.
We still have contact with eachother.
To figure out the point of this learning history I will leave up
to the reader.
With great care and appreciation for all contributors and
"lurkers",
Winfried Deijmann
-- Mr. Winfried M. Deijmann - Zutphen - The Netherlands Artist, Consultant and Facilitator for Organizational Learning, Leadership and Action Learning Events <deijmann@dialoog.net> Phone + Fax: +31-(0)575-522076 personal websites: International: <http://dialoog.net/deijmann> Dutch:<http://dialoog.net/deijmann/pinforma.html>Corporate website: HORIZONGROEP - BUNNIK - HOLLAND: <http://www.horizongroep.nl> corporate email: <deijmann@horizongroep.nl>
"An educated mind is useless without a focussed will and dangerous without a loving heart."
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