Bill Harris wrote:
> Yes! I'm no psychologist, but I've seen that sort of situation in the
> past, and it does sound at some level like a conscious decision they've
> made. If that be true, then they have the opportunity and the
> responsibility to make another conscious decision to continue that
> behavior or to change. Continuation may be appropriate for a while; I'm
> told you can't skip key parts of the grieving process.
>
> Eventually, though, most of us choose to move forward with the incident
> which caused our grief as part of our new background. If _they_ have
> decided to move forward, then it would seem like they'll be more likely to
> do it than if they were cajoled into moving forward. Your decision may be
> to decide if it's appropriate to give them feedback at this time on how
> you perceive their actions and the ramifications of those actions. If
> they seem stuck, such clear feedback may help them move on. If they
> aren't willing to move on, it may be a very long, uphill battle for you if
> you choose to try to move them out of their current state.
You're completely right, Bill...it is imperative to determine
whether or not the group is in a position to learn or shift (make a new
decision about their state of being). I don't think I can move them out
of their state, nor can I "cajole" them into moving forward. I can
provide a mirror for their behavior and be authentic with its impact on me
as a facilitator, including reporting out my compassion or my frustration
or my wishes for them, and remind them that they are at choice. I choose
to be careful about how I back off or out, it doesn't necessarily mean
that I stop working with a group, but it may mean that I stop working on
the issue where they're stuck...a mentor of mine once said..."Start with
what's easier and proceed to what's more difficult." I can choose the
uphill battle (what's difficult) or I can meet/join them an some terrain
that's less stressing for us both, until their steps lead them up the
incline of learning and healing.
I believe that, unfortunately, that our culture is very victim-oriented,
and to help people learn that they can operate from a place of personal
accountability rather than dependency is difficult (because many people
have learned to depend on their role/perception as a victim). But as I
see the shifts in teams as they start to really understand that the only
change they can make is right in front of their eyes, and that those
changes will influence to system to change, I see people stepping up more
and more, both in the workplace and in their lives. This is what inspires
me to do this work.
--Genna Southworth <genna@darex.com>
Learning-org -- Hosted by Rick Karash <rkarash@karash.com> Public Dialog on Learning Organizations -- <http://www.learning-org.com>