Dear Roxanne,
you wrote
>I find myself wanting to build and maintain communication with others at
>deeper levels and want to learn more about how to make this a regular part
>of my daily inter-actions.
What a splendid journey ! Thanks for offering a ride along.
Some thoughts.
We do communicate much about ourselves even when we just talk about
weather, sports, people or news. The thing is to be able to perceive it,
which seems to depend upon our listening abilities and upon our
receptiveness.
Receptiveness may well be linked to our concern and caring for others, at
least with some temporary letting-go of our most self-sherishing
motivations.
In 'being "starved" for a deeper level of communication', I can hear
different approaches. One would be to crave for some relief from
loneliness, another would be the need for deeper communication to evolve.
In case the concern be very self oriented, the receptiveness may be low.
I feel (from some of your previous posts, especially on cooperation) that
your concern here is deeper than merely having interesting, or even
emotional conversations. I think it has to do with filling life with more
than ordinary routine. What if we spend our whole life aside from others,
never really with them, sharing the core of our humanness, alike zombies
in a profound sleep ?
Obviously, communication cannot be *built*, that is, a relationship cannot
be forced and searching to talk about deep feelings most of the times
won't lead to the desired results.
We are all in the process of constantly protecting ourselves at a level or
another ; feeling secure seems a prerequisite to establishing deep
communication. It requires the establishment of a relationship of trust.
Deeper communication does not primarily goes through talks. People can
sense that they are respected and it helps them communicate more openly on
themselves. Intuition has a lot to do with *hearing* others in their
non-verbial communication.
Deep communication starts with oneself. Often, people can't communicate on
deep matters because they ignore their feelings. Acceptance of oneself
along with letting-go of the pursuit of idealistic images is a basis for
accepting others and opening oneself.
Sometimes, I have some insight and wonder why I am not closer to others,
to begin with my own children. I remember once at the end of 4 day NLP
session, I had tears of joy because I felt so close with the fellows there
like never before. This day, I was able to appreciate the beauty of each
of them, without judgment and protection. A rare opportunity.
Today, I try to be conscious every day, every moment, so as to breach the
fence of habits of protection that keep me away from loving my fellow
human beings. Needless to say it's hard to be up to it. I only wake up
from time to time from this sleep of ignorance.
This LO list is also a wonderful opportunity to wake up, at least on the
level of ideas. One does not find so many places where to discuss care,
trust, cooperation, loving kindness...
En bref, what's the first step ? To me, it starts with appreciating
others, at least, or maybe mostly, silently. From this appreciative
attitude true respect will arise, and maybe care and love. But we don't
have to be friends with everyone. A peaceful and respectful attitude will
help foster the deep relationships that are due to grow (my belief).
One may feel frustrated by the silent side of it. This frustration draws
us back to our initial motivation : what are we craving for when we want
deeper communication ? Worth searching, it tells us much about us.
Best
-- Frank Billot --- 820 chemin traversier 84210 Pernes les Fontaines France mailto:fbillot@avignon.pacwan.net telephone 33 4 90 66 53 24Learning-org -- Hosted by Rick Karash <rkarash@karash.com> Public Dialog on Learning Organizations -- <http://www.learning-org.com>