Don: You wrote, in part,
>give the other at least one
>chance -- go to him/her and say "Ouch!", and allow the possibility of an
>apology and maybe even a satisfactory explanation.
I think this would be an appropriate response in the case of a minor
oversight, error, or misunderstanding. This was not that kind of
situation, at least in my view.
>From my perspective, this person who was my boss, placed under pressure,
blatantly lied to the entire executive group of the organization, saying
that I had taken a certain course of action without his knowledge, thereby
seriously damaging my credibility in the organization. (For those who did
not see the original of this thread: the boss had in fact asked me to
carry out this course of action).
My conclusion was that I could never trust this guy on any matter.
Whatever definition you want to apply to the word <trust>, it was missing
in this relationship. I would not feel comfortable working for him, buying
a used car from him, or asking him what time it is.
I had a meeting immediately after this affair such as you suggested with
the Director, except that I received no apology - only feeble excuses -
and the only result, from my perspective, was that I got the chance to
tell him in very polite but clear terms exactly what I thought of him and
his character.
I continued to work in that department for a couple of years, but avoided
as much as possible any contact with this person. It was not just a matter
of "hurt feelings" as some have suggested; this was a dangerous person in
a powerful position who could cause anyone around him serious professional
damage through his lack of ethical standards.
I was fortunate in that I had a choice of whether to take the promotion
and report to him permanently, or to stay in my original management role
with a buffer between us. I know there are many others who are stuck with
bosses in whom they have no confidence or trust, but have no alternative
short of resigning. Many of those folks cope quite well under those
difficult circumstances.
"Where Systems and People Meet"
Serving South Western Ontario
brock.vodden@odyssey.on.ca
http://webhome.idirect.com/~gsimons/vodden.html
--"Brock Vodden" <brock.vodden@odyssey.on.ca>
Learning-org -- Hosted by Rick Karash <rkarash@karash.com> Public Dialog on Learning Organizations -- <http://www.learning-org.com>