> Sometimes it seems that, by speaking more deeply myself, others have
> 'permission' (not a good word, but I'm blank by what else I mean here) to
> also be more authentic. But it demands increasing knowledge of myself,
> and that takes some work. It is easier, and 'safer,' to keep my
> relationships on more of a surface level, and I often find myself doing
> that--especially when there seem to be more than the usual demands on my
> psychic energy. But I, too, ultimately miss feeling more connected with
> the people about me.
>
> Terri A Deems, PhD
A good subject, indeed, Terri! I think using the word "permission" is
fine, and I get your point that it's missing something in some sense. What
I might use instead is that when I am more authentic, it helps create the
space for others to be the same way. Notice that if we are being preachy
about how others "should" be more authentic, we may be saying, in effect,
"you have permission", yet nothing happens. But when we do share
authentically from the heart, something does get generated. Others begin
to respond differently and share more of themselves, often unexpectedly.
I also understand your point that "...(you) meet with a lot of people who
have no interest in, or ability to, talk in that way." I see that, too.
For me, it is key to really try to cultivate a space in which the other
person is really free to respond/be any way they want; that there is no
way they "should" be. It's like being unconditional about it - being fully
committed to my own authentic communication, but not being attached to the
results. That's what is most challenging to me. Sometimes I get really
hooked on the idea that people "should" be more authentic, sharing, etc.
I, too, sometimes want to resign and keep my relationship more superficial
and small - especially at work. I feel safer then, but not connected. I
loose something. And that really has nothing to do with others and what
they do or do not do. It's all in myself and how I am being. I'm reminded
of a short poem I read in a book called "Warriors of the Heart", by Danaan
Perry. In one of his communication workshops, a student wrote a poem that
went something like:
"Opening myself
Telling the truth about me
My path to God"
Cheers,
--Kevin Shadix kpshadix@randomc.com
The important thing is are you willing to give up who you are for what you could be? ~ Rene Dubois
Learning-org -- Hosted by Rick Karash <rkarash@karash.com> Public Dialog on Learning Organizations -- <http://www.learning-org.com>